Love.

I never imagined something like this would happen to me. Okay, that’s a lie. I always dreamed something like this would happen to me. But I didn’t think it would actually happen. Never in a million years. This is the story of our love story.

FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE

Introductions

If asked to describe myself, I probably wouldn’t be too shy to tell you everything.

I’m still trying to find my true identity in life; the true definition of what it means to be me. But I have a lot of the puzzle pieces in place. I really enjoy getting together and having fun with friends, but I don’t really enjoying drinking. Which is kind of a difficult thing to wrestle with at a top party school. Still, I’ve held my own for the first semester of college and haven’t gotten drunk. I probably drank more at home on break than I did at school. I really like the feeling you get after a good workout. Almost as much as I love the taste of mashed potatoes. I’m pretty easygoing. Actually, some people would say that I’m too easygoing. I can get addicted to Netflix pretty easily. It’s a chronic condition.I try to be as generous as possible. In efforts to make others happy, I’ll give myself the short end of the stick the majority of times; whether it be giving up my cozy bed so my roommate can have sex for the 3rd time that day, or driving all over God’s green earth to make each family member’s holiday party. And honestly, I enjoy doing it most of the time. Being out of my bed forces me to interact with people I should probably be talking to anyways, and I enjoy the time I get to think from traveling from party to party. In my spare time, I usually watch Netflix, go to the gym, or catch up with friends. I really enjoy Etsy too. One of my favorite feelings in life is giving the perfect present.

My parents got divorced when I was 15. Like any only child would, I took it pretty hard. Internalizing most of my feelings, I retreated into myself for a good portion of my sophomore year of high school. Friendships got harder and the hope of romance all but faded away. Relationships with my parents were rocky at best. While they still have their ups and downs, I know my parents love me unconditionally and only ever wanted the best for me.

I believe a college experience is important to have, but realize it isn’t for everyone. I chose my college based off it’s professional reputation for my major. Even though I love the University and have made some really good friends, at the end of the day, I’m here to kick ass, make a name for myself, and begin the rest of my life. I don’t believe that you need to drink to have fun. While a glass of wine or a cup of beer is nice to de-stress, getting drunk is on my to-don’t list. Some people may call me crazy, but that’s just not how I want to live my life.

My parents always taught me to be the best that I can possibly be. My father is a overly-committed, stretched-out workaholic with mommy- and daddy-issues and a high tolerance for feelings. At least that’s how he can look on the outside now. On the inside, a few years ago, I knew him as a giving, loving, selfless workaholic that had crazy parents. He’s different, but he’s still my father and know beyond doubt that there’s no one he cares more for in this world than me. The divorce changed him though, and not necessarily for the better. He’s always pushed me to work for my dreams, but recently his demands are getting more unattainable and his tone is becoming more harsh. I know she’s influencing him… the step-monster. Her kids are nice, her family’s nice, but I just can’t seem to find her company pleasurable. As soon as I think she might not be all bad, she ruins it for herself by ratting me out about something o making a snarky comment about one of my achievements. Due to my incapability to disappoint people, I put on a (semi-)smiling face when conversing with her in front of my father. Much to my mother’s dismay.

My mom can be my best friend and my worst enemy, sometimes in the same day. Unlike other teenagers that complain their mom is mean because she won’t give them more money or hang out with current “cool” boy, I deal with real, adult arguments. For years, my mother has grappled with the idea of me being in another woman’s home, under her care. She continually think that I’m lying to her about my relationships at my other house, forbids me to like my step-monster, and has even called me the biggest disappointment in her life. For all her faults, she has strengths. Not a day goes by that she doesn’t call to make sure I’m doing well, and she remembers the most insignificant things I say for later dates. My stepfather is just a teddy bear that I couldn’t be happier that my mother found. He’s perfect for her in every way and I literally thank the good Lord that she found her. He’s exactly what she needs.

Obviously, my family and I are far from perfect. But my boyfriend isn’t.

*

Lucas is honestly the best human being I have ever met. Even the things he claims are his faults I see as his strengths. I’ve never known someone so self-motivating that will give all he has then find a way to give more. He’s so steadfast in his morals and knows exactly who he is, which is one of the most attractive things about him. He continually falls back on who he is as a person; a solid structure of morality, genuine compassion, and pure friendliness. He is my rock.

The way that he tells me stories; how his eyes light up as he leans in just a little bit more as he gets to the good part, how his lips spin words into narratives that I could listen to for the rest of my life, how he gets self-conscious about talking too much… everything he does just makes me love him more. He could tell me the most insignificant piece of information and I’d still hang on every word he says.

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